Over the weekend I had the chance to think about what it means to be a mother. Especially a mother of two two toddlers. What I realized is that it isn't about me at all. It's about my amazing boys, that I am lucky enough to be the mother of, and it's about unconditional love.
Love is acceptance. Things may not always go the way I plan or expect them to, but it's important that I take a step back from myself. I have been so blessed to have my little family, and ultimately whatever preconceived notions I have about any situation is inevitably not as amazing as what it turns out to be.
Love is patience. I have learned to give my boys time to grow into who they are and appreciate everything about them. Sometimes I may have to bite my tongue, or put myself into my own "think break" so I don't lose my cool. But they are 2 and 3, and they are going to do things that are amazing and annoying! But that is what they are supposed to do and I love them for it.
Love is a privelege. If I've learned anything over the course of trying to build our family, it's that being a parent - especially a mother - is something that should not be taken for granted. When I am having fun with my boys, when they are cuddling with me, and even when I am frustrated with them, I remind myself how truly lucky I am. Not everyone gets the chance to be a parent to such wonderful little people, and I will never forget to appreciate that.
Love is powerful. Having two little people love you with all their hearts is amazing. I have learned so much from Spike and Monkey, and am a better person because of them. I know that without both of them my life would not be as meaningful as it is today. I also know that my unconditional, unselfish love of Spike and Monkey impacts them. The circumstances of how each joined our family are different. And they are both completely different little boys in personality and demeanor. But it's their uniqueness that makes them who they are and I cannot help but fall more in love with them everyday. They are amazing little people and I love watching them grow as brothers and as boys, and feel so fortunate that I am the one who can be there for them.
Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
This quote by Elisabeth Stone sums up my feelings as of late. Being a parent is a decision (especially in our situations) and I'm so glad we made it.
Thanks for listening to my mushy rant!
16 comments:
This is so true and so beautifully said, Kara. It isn't about us and our children do not owe us anything - we are here for them. Thank you for this. You are such a wonderful mother!
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Motherhood is so hard, and it is so easy to get caught up in the challenges we as individuals face (I'm super guilty of this).
But, like you said so beautifully, our kids don't owe us anything. But WE owe THEM love, even when it's hard for us to give.
It's been a rough road at times to realize that my choice to become a mother meant that I was giving up the choice to ultimately put myself first ever again. It's hard not to hold that against my son in the wee hours or the morning or when he's staring me down with a defiant "no" in the middle of the crowded grocery store when we're late for something, but that's his right as a child.
I also have had to really remember that even when I do make hard choices that are "selfishly for me," those too must be ultimately for my child's benefit.
Thanks for being such a great role models. Your boys will treasure this post someday, I am sure.
i often think that while i didn't give my son life, i did choose to nurture him, raise him and love him unconditionally. sure there are days that it's not easy, but like Kris said, it isn't about me, but this sweet little life that i have been given. it's always good to be reminded of the amazing gifts our children are - no matter how they came to us. thank you, Kara for reminding me today :).
ps. i'll say it again, that seeing you with your 2 boys makes me so excited to be the mother of my own 2 boys!
This is amazing, Kara! I love what you've said here, and it's so true. I definitely need these reminders often, so thank you!! Monkey and Spike have been blessed with a wonderful mama. :)
Such a lovely post! It's very easy to get caught up in the daily challenges and forget how lucky we mamas are :)
how sweet! and so true that parenting comes w/struggles and sacrifice but the rewards are so worth it.
Hi Kara, it is a mushy rant, but true non-the-less. Thanks for sharing. Love the photos too. Your boys look great. We can't believe that it's been almost two years since we saw you. Where does the time go?
Take care,
Phil & Lucia
So beautifully said, Kara! What you've written here is so true. I'm definitely guilty of sometimes getting too caught up in the stress of it all... thank you for this reminder. :)
This is such a beautiful, thought-provoking post. I love it. LOVE it. (And there are some amazing comments here to boot.) I have such admiration and respect for you and how you parent your two boys. If I could be the parent you are, I'd probably think differently about my "three years or more" rule. This really makes me miss you and your boys right now!
what a wonderful and heartfelt post, Kara. such a good reminder especially on a day like today when it's been tantrum central over here. :) As many tough moments as there are during the day, I can't even imagine my life without Noah. I too am so lucky to have been given the privilege of loving my little boy.
Perfectly put. I'm glad you were inspired to write this post.
We are lucky to have our kids and sometimes need to be reminded that it is about THEM.
I love this post and have read it a couple times. :) Thank you for posting it! It's much more articulate than I could have been.
so beautiful.
This is just lovely, Kara. Being a parent really puts a different perspective onto things, and you've written it beautifully.
hi! i was looking at your blog and i was wondering what agency you went through for your sons adoption?
Kara, I love this post and I think I'm going to bookmark it so I can look at it periodically to remind me that our kids are everything and even when, ahem, they are not sleeping like at all - it is still such a huge privilege to parent them. I am in awe that you have a 2 and 3 year old. Wow! I'm so glad I "met' you recently and I'm excited to follow your journey from here on. Oh, and also excited to hopefully REALLY meet you in the near future :)
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